Gossip

"I do not intend to tip toe through life, just to arrive safely at death"

Today hasnt been too exciting, Woke up, went to breakfast, continued where I left off in Genesis.. then went to class.. Then lunch... then sleep... then book discussion.. then boom.. there it is.

Girl talk.

All 25 girls seem to slowly find our way back into the classroom for.. well a "discussion", at first it seemed to be nothing but petty talk and things I just honestly dont give a rip about. Gossip. I know I dont gossip much these days, and Im pretty sure there isnt much gossip going on about me,... so I sat there.. listening.. but also reciting phillipians 2 in my head. Then it hit me.. Its not just about gossip.. its about love.. we dont really love each other here, we love who we choose to love.. Who we are comfortable with.. but what about the others, the ones who are wierd and awkward (to our standars), what about them.. I keep reminding myself Im here because God wants me here.. I was choosen out of 600+ people, but I guess I keep forgetting that everyone else was choosen also.. I know Ive said it.. we all belong here, .. but I dont appreciate the others, ... I dont see why GOD wanted them here.. I dont love them with the love God has for me.. I dont have much love for them at all. Im there, Im kind, sometimes Im hasty but.. Im much more stable then I use to be. I want to love these girls, I want to be a family.. the program is almost over and... Im afraid then when graduation day comes Im going to realize what I missed out on.. because of selfishness.. and pride. The good thing, is Im obviously not the only one. I have to remember that God loves these people... so much. More than I could ever imagine. The love he has for me that I cant even comprehend is the exact love he has for all the others here. I also learned that I cant change the others here,. not just the girls.. but the guys too, I want to be a leader, a light but if I sit here at joshua and try to become that involving everyone else and trying to fix them.. what happens when May comes and there gone and its just me alone.. I wont be ready. So basically what Im saying is that.. The greatest impact I can have on a community.. not just this one.. Is to work within myself. My heart...

The speaker this week (Jim Cecy - Cousin of Al Capone!!) said something today that really .. made me nervous. Us = Joshua students are going to be advanced in a way above others, not saying were better.. but we spent 9 months completely.. in Gods word. In a community devoted to our Lord, our Savior, our work environment is christian, everything is abuot God here at hume.. alot of peole want that but never get it.. and its not just our living situation, we have classes every day, we have church every night.. We have rules and discipline in it all.. I know I wont be perfect, but when its time to go back to the real world , there are things Im going to be ready for.. that others may not be. I guess me writing this doesnt really explain it.. it sounds very cocky. hmmm.. Im growing, my faith is strong,.. and if I plan on leaving Joshua and living a simple life.. Ive missed it. If I leave here and just work a normal job and be the everyday american.. I missed it. I plan on being an impact.. a light.. a leader.. in any and every way God wants me..

"Transforming the life effectiveness of Gods People"