Lightbulbs how bright they Shine

Im pretty much summing up three days here..

Friday... not to much happened except class and if anything did happen.. I dont remember.

This weekend I really didnt want to work, I do remember that.. but unfortunately I had to. BUT.. it was by far the best weekend ever. I worked SS. which is support services,.. boring.. sooo boring but I worked with Sabrina and BJ. I guess you could say they made my weekend worth it.. and well I got paid.

It also snowed on Friday which didnt make me to happy.. actually it never does, I just dont like snow and the fact that BJ locked my coat in one of the class rooms didnt make it any better. (I cant get my coat till some time during the week..ehhh), OH and we all got in trouble for people being late to breakfast this week so.. our punishment was to walk the hill 5 times... did I mention it snowed ..haha.. and it was icy and while I was walking I fell a good 4 times... That sucked.. that definitely sucked.

I am beyond excited to go home on Friday, O I am soooo excited, I just want to see Randy!... and the two amys of course, but more importantly my brother. I dont think I have ever realized how much I really love him. I just want him to see me too, to see how I am.. Im not saying that im different because in all honesty im not sure how different I am but I know this trip will tell me.. he will tell me. Besides the fact that Ive gained alot of weight.. depressing. But ... whatever. 5 days.. only five more days and Im on the plane home.

O wait theres more coming to me, I wrote Candice an email this weekend. I guess I let my heart get the best of me but then again.. I dont care at this point. I basically told her I loved her and didnt want to go to heaven without her... but I guess Heaven doesnt really matter to a none believer.... She didnt respond to it well... Which I guess I knew would happened, she wasnt mad she just said the things I didnt want to hear but knew she would say. She has no desire and just doesnt believe theres a God.

Amy.. so lets talk about amy.. My Amy. I just called her and .. I just felt this uneasy feeling .. like she ... not replaced me.. because heck no she couldnt replace me lol but.. well she was a with a guy and I hate that.. honestly I do.. The part thats bothering me is that Im not sure if Im mad that shes talking to a guy when she should be concentrating on her faith and relationship with God.. or if Im mad that shes talking to a guy and not concentrating on me. Her best friend. I guess Im still yearning for that feeling of being needed. of being loved. I knows she loves me and more than anything I know God had his hand over this friendship, he gave me a sister and best friend in him. I deserve nothing and he to bless me. I am selfish as always and want what I have all to myself.. *Light bulb* wow.. okay so heres a theory that just came to me.. I am always so concerned with what shes doing, if shes making the right choices with the right people etc. I always look at her decisions being the in the complete wrong direction of God.. actually I dont even consider God.. I just assume that shes wrong.. and nothing good can come of this.. HOW STUPID OF ME! How do I KNOW WHAT GOD IS DOING! hahaha.. I could laugh and roll on the floor right now about how retarded I can be.. Shes Gods now.. she signed her life over to him this summer... haha.. anything that happens in her life now is Gods doing and in the end has Gods purpose all around it... Every guy, Every stupid guy, Every party, Every mistake, Every smile, every tear, every hardship, every blessing.. etc. Its Gods doing in her life.. not hers. Shes just going along for the ride.. and hopefully will stop trying to take the wheel.. because God sure as heck aint gonna let her. haha.. Amy.. my best friend Amy.. My inspiration in ways.. God loves you so much its unbelievable :).

I learned this week also that even in our mistakes God blesses us. I didnt get it at first till I asked Randy and he said.. he blesses you by disciplining you.. you are blessed because you learn from being disciplined. He gives us grace in every mistake and that alone is a blessing.