Things are getting harder.. because of this issue back home.. Hume coule come back and say I cant work here.. which would mean I cant finish Joshua unless I clear this up back home in Ohio... I have no money.. I have nothing... my brother has nothing..
I asked God for contentment and he gave it to me.. and in a way I feel like this is a dream.. theres no way I could leave Joshua.. no way. But.. I could.
I came home last night around 11 30 and Erin was re organizing the room.. we had a pretty good laugh trying to get this huge box up into our loft.. woke a couple of the boys up down the hall in there room.. I needed to laugh.
I finally told her about me having to possibly leave Joshua because of the issue back home.. She didnt understand and she kept asking me if there was anything we could do.. We finally fell asleep.
The next morning we woke up and just talked about this and that and then she tells me. "Ive already raised 40 dollar for your plane ticket home." I wanted to cry.. but couldnt... I feel selfish in a way.. like Id expect this from her... I dont want to feel like that.. I want appreciation. I wish I knew what God wanted right now.. I wish hed fall out of the big blue sky stand in front me and yell the words "SARAH I WANT YOU TO..."
Candace : Thank you so much for offering that money if there is anyway I can get Rich to let me use it for a plane ticket that would be amazing but im not sure how that will work. but thank you for everything.. Thank you
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"Its not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys, sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints, why do we try to define people as good or evil? Because no one wants to admit that passion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart and that anyone.. is capable of anything."
I am fairly Agile,..I can bend and not break, or I can break and take it with a smile
"Its not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys, sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints, why do we try to define people as good or evil? Because no one wants to admit that passion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart and that anyone.. is capable of anything."
Blog Archive
Sarah Melissa Bray
- ......... Just little old me .........
- I’m 24 yrs old, I’m a very straight forward person, I can be stubborn and defensive at times,.. but I’m working on it. I live in MASS for the time being.. I am a firm believer in Christ. Although I dont show it much these days. My life has been a pretty insane roller coaster, but I’m not ashamed of it. I love to read and write, and I’m obsessed with quotes :), typical girl I know. I am going to be brutally honest in here,.. I figure the only way to be real is to just let it all out.. so bear with me.
Such Simple Words
"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad.. about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty, I am trusting and suspicious, I am honest.. and still play games."
"Do you believe in magic? I never use to.. I mean .. how could I? 14 and your Mom dies, you hope against hope for magic, something to make it all better. It never comes,.. and you look for your father who's unable to overcome all his tragic flaws,.. well no abracadabra there. And there them.. well any magic that was there, that ran out didnt it?!.. But then.. theres HIM.. Thers proof that someone out there is thinking of me.. My friend.. who was with me always.. Its pure Magic."
"Any fool can love somebody whos perfect, somebody who does everything right. But that doesnt stretch your soul.. Your soul only gets stretched when you can still love after they have hurt you."
"He has a plan, a blessed syllabus for your life, and its always charted from the inside out."
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for.. and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1
"I used alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of my wounds. And, as so many other young women do whose hearts have been badly missed or intentionally wounded by their fathers, I turned to boys and then to men for love. At least, I convinced myself, I was wanted .. if only for a night."
"We have all fallen, but at the same time we're not broken. There is this hint that we are going to get up again."
"Its not what you are, Its what you dont become that hurts."
"I dont belive in Perfect Love,.. But I do believe that there are people who's lives are inextricable intertwined."
"You can not simply have me, You must seek me,.. pursue me. I wont let you in unless I know you love me."
"Three types of people in this world.. Them that is.. Them that aint.. Them that thinks they is.. but aint." - Ken Graves; Pastor for Maine.
"Do you believe in magic? I never use to.. I mean .. how could I? 14 and your Mom dies, you hope against hope for magic, something to make it all better. It never comes,.. and you look for your father who's unable to overcome all his tragic flaws,.. well no abracadabra there. And there them.. well any magic that was there, that ran out didnt it?!.. But then.. theres HIM.. Thers proof that someone out there is thinking of me.. My friend.. who was with me always.. Its pure Magic."
"Any fool can love somebody whos perfect, somebody who does everything right. But that doesnt stretch your soul.. Your soul only gets stretched when you can still love after they have hurt you."
"He has a plan, a blessed syllabus for your life, and its always charted from the inside out."
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for.. and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1
"I used alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of my wounds. And, as so many other young women do whose hearts have been badly missed or intentionally wounded by their fathers, I turned to boys and then to men for love. At least, I convinced myself, I was wanted .. if only for a night."
"We have all fallen, but at the same time we're not broken. There is this hint that we are going to get up again."
"Its not what you are, Its what you dont become that hurts."
"I dont belive in Perfect Love,.. But I do believe that there are people who's lives are inextricable intertwined."
"You can not simply have me, You must seek me,.. pursue me. I wont let you in unless I know you love me."
"Three types of people in this world.. Them that is.. Them that aint.. Them that thinks they is.. but aint." - Ken Graves; Pastor for Maine.
1 comment:
I talked with Rich and because the money was a tax donation it will have to go towards Israel. Forgive me, I know this raised your hopes just to have them crushed again.
I wish I had more to give... but I have nothing more... nothing tangible anyway. And yet I know that it is the untangible that is truly worth having in the long and short run. We are back where we started aren't we? Alone and helpless before our Creator, but that never changed we just got self-confidant or I did, not you. This is the best place to be as hard as that is to believe at the moment, for here we can be most honest with God and ourselves. "It's all about You God, about You getting your glory, and You will get it. If this is the only way, than dear God make me willing, I can't do it alone."
This I guess is my prayer for myself just as much as it is for you. God is still in control, He never relinquished it and never will. We are in good hands. Fear not for "The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desires in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11. Please read Isaiah 54:4-7,10-12 when you get the chance. God reminded of me these verses to give to you.
God is behind and before you.
"Amazing grace will always be my song of praise
For it was grace that brought me liberty.
I can not know just why He came to love me so;
He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs.
I shall forever lift mine eyes to Calvary
To view the cross where Jesus died for me.
How marvelous that grace that caught my falling soul;
He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs.
I shall forever lift mine eyes to Calvary
To view the cross where Jesus died for me.
How marvelous that grace that caught my falling soul;
He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs.
He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs."
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