We lost three people last week.. Its not as wierd as I thought it would be... to not see these people every day. I guess it was because they really didnt have a big part in my every day life here.. I dont know. What is sad is to think we only have three months left.. only three After that.. its goodbye for who knows how long. Ill never (most likely) step in this building again for the rest of my life. this place that has changed my life forever... Joshua Wilderness Institute... This will be my past.. just an old stepping stone... Im going to miss it here.. Im going to miss the people and the waking up together and doing our every move together.. having stability and a schedual.. Im going to miss the classes and the teachers and the awkward things that happen.. the fire place the couchs.. my bed..... my bed. My bathroom my roomate.. I didnt think it would be so hard to pack up and leave here... Graduation day is going to be one of the hardest and happiest days of my life.
Everyone is sick in the building now though.. Erin is sick.. congested.. sounds pretty gross when she coughs and stuff.. Im drinking a diet pepsi with airborne in it. Hopefully I wont get sick.
I have to spend 42.00 to get a new birthcertificate. Its annoying as crap... Israel.. oh Israel you pain in my butt :).. I got another 500 dollars. I needed to see that even though Im thousands away from where I need to be.. that 500 really gives me hope. *hope* (haha its not on the back of my neck for nothin).
I love God.
So I hate snow as you know.. hate it.. but looking out the window just now .. its beautiful. The sky is like perfect blue and everything is white... so it just blends... akron isnt this beautiful :(...
So I finished the book the Kite Runner.. its was soo good.. I cant wait to see the movie.. I heard its amazing. Everyone .. well at least alot of the girls are reading Redeeming Love.. Its so cool to watch them read it.. hooked on it.. Its probably the best book I have ever read.. EVER. I started reading another book called 'Blue like Jazz' Its good.. really good actually.. Gosh I love reading.. I love using my head and .. well.. making plans for myself...
I want to go on a road trip.. I want to go south.. or mid west.. I dont know.. all I know is I want to end up on a dirt road thats miles long with nothing in sight.. I want to end up in towns where everything is still old fashioned. Then i want to go on a road trip up and down the East Coast.
I want to go see Candice in Florida this summer. (If I dont get the job at the camp)... I want to go sky diving!!! FREE FALLING! ((okay im soundin a bit cheesy arnt I?) ... I just want to do things.. Sabrina told me I should come visit her this summer at the camp she is working at in Hawaii. God.. GOD! I WANT TO LIVE AN ADVENTURE! I dont want to settle down.. not now.. not while Im in my prime.. I want to LIVE.. I want to do things... I want to read thousands of books and I want to continue making art... I want to enjoy this earth.. this home we have now..
hmmm... new subject.. Im loosing weight.. Ive lost 6 pounds I know its no to much .. but... I feel like Ive lost more.. I have to be gaining muscle too because I just feel a bit smaller.. and its nice. My plan it to drop the other 15 pounds Ive gained being here .. and maybe some more. That would be nice.. !!
I love my God.
Ohh.. wierd news... Called Ashley the other day.. shes pregnant. Yeaah. I dont even know what to say and it sad because I know she thinks shes got it together.. but she doesnt.. yea she has a job and goes to school and does well at both but... I know her.. and I know what she has settled for outside of the class room.. outside of work. Its sad. Ill always love her... Ill always try to be there to help her out.. but not like before. Never like before.
I cant believe I use to live in Ludlow MA and hang out with all these people.. one of the kids we use to hang out with Mike Macintoch is in jail.. home invasion.. beat the crap out of some guy probably my age with a baseball bat and is being charged with attemped murder.. the creepy part is.. he was hired by this other guy to do it.. The guy hangs out with my .. well my old crew.. and him and dan took off to California.. (not sur there still here. dont really care) .. Its just the fact.. that I could be there now.. I could be living that life and honestly.. I probably would of found it normal like everyone else there.. THATS NOT NORMAL! Im so happy to be away from that.. so happy to have a life thats worth living.. thats not going to destroy me.
I love God!
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Hmmm, sky diving.... hmmm.... dear me, a little over the top... or edge rather. What if your parachute don't open? Well then I guess it is your time to go...
Life is so very complicated and exiting and painful and scary. Would we really have it any other way? No, its worth it, worth every scar we will have at the end of the road. How gracious is our God. Keep your head held high... you're a Child of God... remember what is on the back of your neck....
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