Saturday, April 05, 2008

I dont want this

So basically Im just suppose to go home and hope for the best .. May 12th Ill get on that plane and head back to a reality that I put off for 9 months and its suppose to be okay RIGHT?

I DONT WANT TO GO HOME!

I am scared of who I am and who I was. I am scared of the fact that Im weak and I have always been weak.. Id rather follow the crowd then lead them else where. Ive always been that girl. The girl who did whatever she wanted (what her friends did) I even destroyed some people along the way. I am no angel.

How do I do this? I have no faith.. how pathetic of me. Its funny how we find it so hard to actually sit down and pray.. we spend so much time trying to avoid it. I was to busy today to talk to God. Doing nothing! And then when we finally do pray.. we dont even believe what were praying about matters.

God... I am less then what I thought. I am a scared little girl who is not ready to go home .. who wants to keep running..

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