So do you want an update..
I changed my mind.. again.. Gosh Im so good at that.. Im so good at never following through .. haha.. Except this time isnt exactly the worst thing ever
I want to stay here at Hume now .. I want to work here.. My Hearts desire is here.. God did alot this past weekend.. and still I doubt.
Isnt it funny how as humans we dont find it natural to just pray.. Its almost hard for us to just sit down and do it.. yet when we finally do.. We find it even harder to believe.
So.. I let myself settle.. haha.. Lance. He got out of jail and we talked on the phone and all I needed was one talk to know that wasnt it. I let myself believe I could save someone else.. I could change him and bring him to God.. how crazy of me. Why am I always trying to save someone.. Why am I always trying to be an answer to someones prayers...
I feel pathetic and like a broken record saying this.. Since before I went to jail.. before that period of time I had fallen for a boy .. and tried to say in my last entry i was seeing past it.. I let Lance cloud my visions..
Basically.. theres this other guy.. This main guy.. This out of no where guy.. who I have mentioned before.. who makes my stomach turn when we talk.. we could laugh soo hard and as soon as he walks away I want to cry .. This weekend was crazy.. He appreciates me.. I guess according to him.. Ive helped him without even knowing.. I cry.. My heart aches for it. Someone like him.. Hes flawless... Hes unlike me in so many ways..
Im crazy..
((By the way.. Im GOING to Israel on Monday))
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